Feel Fired Up, Fearless and Never Again Invisible

Fear can and often does paralyze a person. We have the emotion of fear for a very good reason: to keep us safe from harm, real or imagined. We can beat our fears by confronting them head on. Do you have garden-variety fears like everyone else? Maybe, "I know I'll fail my math test," "I'm afraid I'll get hurt," "This will never work," and so on? Take responsibility for overcoming them. For example, if you are afraid of speaking in public, take a public speaking class or join Toastmasters. Get out there and just do it.

Common phobias include driving, spiders, going into an elevator, leaving the house, and getting older. If you do, don't beat yourself up about not being able to conquer it alone. If you are very afraid of getting older and your fear is making you hate your aging self, get a therapist and start talking to other women. Call your local mental health association for a referral. There are really good therapists out there to help you.

There is actually a name for the fear of getting older: gerascophobia. But just because it has a name, you do not have to let your fears control your life or your happiness. Do something each day that makes you a little uncomfortable but is new and keeps you fresh and open to possibilities. Many of the very successful women I have spoken to said just that: "Do not let fear get in your way." Yes, they had been fearful but had gone ahead and conquered their fears and felt a tremendous satisfaction and reward from doing so.

We were surprised that the women in their seventies and eighties we spoke with were so interesting and excited about their lives, so here's another tip. Seek out a nice older woman you admire and get acquainted. Ask how she sees her world, and what she thinks of getting older. You may be surprised to find out she is upbeat, positive, and forward-thinking, and this may help remove some of your fears. And read biographies of smart, capable women who came before us. You will be amazed.

Fighting Invisibility

Throughout my research, women of all ages have expressed their concerns regarding their aging process. They have talked candidly about the ways society responds to them as women. Twenties Women feel invisible because they are perceived as being too young. Women in their forties, fifties, and beyond may feel invisible because they are getting older. It is difficult for the women who enter into their mature years--who have lived lives full of experience, knowledge, and talents that they are ready to share and to show the world, who have so much to offer and share with other women in their fields of interest--it is difficult for them to find that their gifts are neither sought out nor appreciated. For these women, fears of aging made them feel like they were disappearing in the eyes of society. Other women, though, have found ways to feel noticed.

Famous actresses have expressed their frustration and dismay at their industry's response to scripts that focus on the issues and interests of older people and that feature older actors. The studios ignore such projects. In response, some actresses find their own financial backers and produce, act in, and promote their own movies.

Just as Hollywood actors bump up against stereotypes of aging women, you will too. Don't let it derail your life. Instead, find a way around it. Act like a famous movie actor and produce your own life. Never let anyone or anything stop you from dreaming and creating the life you want. Instead of allowing someone or something else to make you feel invisible, do something about it for yourself. Don't retire! Instead, refire and inspire. Move from feeling invisible to being visible.

Changing Our Own Lives

A baby girl born today will have an 80 percent chance (it gets better each year) of reaching her hundredth birthday. More and more women are already reaching their hundredth birthday and telling us how they did it. Some say they ate well and exercised, some drank nothing or some drank a martini or two, many just had fun, some prayed, some exercised and pumped iron, and most were surprised they made it.

Regardless of our final number of days, each of us has an opportunity to re-invent ourselves many times. Today women are doing just that and say it is one of the very best things about getting older. Once they reach maturity and have had the job, raised the family, and made the money, they take time for themselves. Our older years present us with a fantastic opportunity to say: "At last, time for me."

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